Another Horrible Turn of Events

Let this humble observers dedication to his temporary work assignments never be questioned again please! Woe is our faithful narrator and the horrible luck that continues to plague his quest for gainful employment in important situations. Yesterday this plucky young lad was devastated as he was almost 30 minutes late for an important assignment because of his lack of directions to the office building. This, plese please please rest assured, was a complete accident and caused our narrator much distress, as he absolutely abhors arriving posthumously at an assignment. You can only imagine the pure horror and depression this plucky young lad suffered when yesterday morning he arrived as late as 9:15 this morning to sit around for an hour before there was any copying to be done.

Generally our faithfull narrator prefers to take 30 minute lunch breaks so that he is able to quickly return to his exciting tasks whilst on assignment, instead of the recommended hour. Because of this, it is always a reasonable request that he be allowed to leave 30 minutes earlier of the intended end-time, whether it be 5 or 6 pm, or any deviation. Unfortunetly at the current assignment, this was regarded, justly, as an unreasonable request that warranted repercussions. Early yesterday morning his concerned staffing agency called to question both his tardiness and the insubordinate attitude he displayed concerning quitting time. While not reprimanded, this humble observer felt so inadequate because of his obvious shortcomings, he has asked to be spared the embarassment of returning to the consulting firm. Shortly after he spent 2 hours copying, and then a few scattered minutes organizing emails in chronological order, and then labelling them with their appropriate case number. Between the hours of 3 and 6 pm, he stared blankly at a screen, eventually taking out a book and reading in order to prevent from falling asleep.

This puts your faithfull narrator in an understandably upset state of affairs. Not only has he been disgraced and emotionally wounded by so unsatisfactory completing his assignment, he also is without employment until June. He is suffering so deeply he slept until 11 pm and then morosely went about the chores of eating and even forced himself to play some guitar, although you can rest assured he did not enjoy it. A black pit of sadness awaits this plucky young lad until he is able to redeem himself by procuring another job full of important administrating, such as copying, filing, and internet surfing. Please keep this humble observer in your thoughts for the next few days, as the future looks bleak.

Onto Greener Pastures.....

When we left our faithful narrator, he had connivingly secured employment via his staffing agency, despite the large levels of incompetence and neglect that were standard trademarks in his non-profit adventure. After a weekend of strict office-related discipline, we find this humble observer ready to regain his status as a stellar employee. Not wishing to dissapoint his agency, he partook of the usual mood modification en route to the metro and smiling, prepared himself mentally for an exhaustively challenging day of administrative miracle working.

Luck was not on this plucky young lad's side however, as almost immediately after he left his household, he realized that he had forgotten to write down the directions to the office. After some extensive help from a local merchant, he found his way to the 8 story office building in NW and entered, ready to work his fingers past the bone, if necessary.

It seems that the office was ready for our humble narrator, and also were well-equipped with his multitudes of skills, as they immediately put him fast to work waiting for a phone call for a tech orientation from massachusetts. that being accomplished (and many of the finer points of microsoft outlook being explained, such as how to create and invite people to meetings), this plucky young lad set fast to work at staring at the computer screen. Eventually, he was given some papers in order, asked to doublecheck their chornological existence, and then filed them away. Some hours later, another task came through, this time involving printers and papers and excel spreadsheets. Our faithful narrator set to work at them so enthusiastically he almost lost his wind on one occasion when he sped from his seat to the printer. Eventually he was even given more papers to file, and there was a promise of yet another print job.

Somehow amongst the hustle and bustle, this humble observer has managed to log another journal entry. However, there may be many days before the opportunity and time to create another memoir presents itself. This plucky young lad asks that his faithful readers stay positive and patient, as he will educate them of his gainful employment adventures as soon as he possibly can.

Utter Devastation!

This morning our faithfull narrator recieved a memo addressed to a ____ and Diane ____. He was told by Big Momma that said memo was to be re-sent to Diane, and that when it was first sent it was never correctly base copied to those noted on the control sheet of this important memo. Being the top-notch employee and detail-orientated person that this humble observer is, he quickly completed the necessary assignment, emailing the memo to the Diane noted in the "To:" portion of the document.

A few hours later, one of those who recieved the base copy asks if this memo was actually sent to Diane, and immediately the office began to react. Efforts to recall the memo were thwarted by Outlook and desperate communications were made to reach Diane or her assistant and stop the reading of this memo (which, this plucky young lad would like to re-iterate, was ADDRESSED TO HER). Our narrator investigated into the confusion and discovers that the memo was supposed to be re-sent to DianA, someone within the office, despite the fact that neither on the control sheet nor correspondence tracking spreadsheet records DianA as a recipient of this highly important memo.

Shortly thereafter, the staffing agency that puts food on our narrators table calls and informs him that while earlier this morning he was desperately pursued as a possible employee and even instructed on more important matters due to his excellant track record, come this afternoon his capablity has been highly questioned and he is not to return to the non-profit the following week.

In tears at this point, this plucky young lad informed the agency of the specifics of the situation, desperately pleading for another chance to work, while not for the same non-profite, whom he feels, can go fuck themselves. In return for his complete disregard for his own self esteem, he is placed, on a probationary setting, in another local company doing basic administrative work next week. He strives to regain his status as a model employee and even considers working overtime without monetary compensation.

Finalizing this tragic story, after an email is sent to the Diane who was never supposed to see the memo addressed to her informing her that the message is being recalled, she responded with (paraphrase) "It did seem odd to recieve this mail. However it was nice to hear from you." Obviously this humble observers grievous error clearly warranted termination from the organization.

What ridiculousness will next bestow itself upon our faithful narrator? Will this plucky young lad ever regain his status after such insolence? How many meaningless documents will he stamp and label next week??? Theres only one way to find out......

Caught within the Web

Dear friends, readers, and sympathizers, things are drastically getting worse at everyones favorite non-profit. Our humble observers careful attention to detail have resulted in his "promotion". No longer is he in charge of inter-office memos regarding meetings and letters of correspondence, but he is now engaged in the more immediate and pressing matters of email creation and processing. He is even to be given folders of importance, and trusted to open the CEO's mail, possibly even copying invitations to the many prestigious events the CEO is forced to decline for previous commitments. Even worse, directly assitance to the executive assistanct will be expected regarding meeting scheduling and information exchanges.

A young professional has been interviewed for the position of Transcriber our faithful narrator recently regretfully declined. Yours truly bit his tongue when meeting and exchanging in idle chit-chat with the candidate. Today is not a good day for public service work apparently.

Big Momma has been missing in action for the majority of the day. On many occasions, this productive and work-hungry employee has wandered to her office in search of important documents to proofread and send, only to find an empty desk. Usually this discovery has encouraged and inspired this humble observer to take a walk outside, possibly engaging in some mood enhancement via breathing exercises.

The new position next week will find our faithful narrator sharing an office with another executive assistant. While an improvement from the empty vacant hallway/room he shares with eager interns and office conversationalists, his current concern is the discovery of any of his many procrastinatory indulgences.

Tune in for the continued adventures, including the rise, and almost definete fall, of this Plucky Young Lad, coming to you directly from the source.

Fascination of the Highest Degree

This Plucky Young Lad could not be contained by the confines and comforts of his mattress this morning, such was the desire to quickly relocate to his comfortable office setting for another work day of exciting and important procrastination.

Today a few more of the flower letters were sent out, despite the fact that they have been dated 12 days prior. After that a memo, and some mild assemblage of exciting facts. All of this just within the first 3 hours!

Big Momma, while nawt quite giant-esque in stature, has regained control of the office and is ruling under an iron fist of judgement. However, her eyesight is less then perfect. While a respite from the giants enormous belly slouched across the desk is appreciated, Big Momma manages to make her perusal of computer screens a little too close for comfort. Added to this is a look of confusion which is due to the inferiority complex her pupils seem to have come down with.

You may soon, loyal readers, notice a change in this plucky young lads profile. Last night while contemplating a long happy career at this non-profit office, a bolt of truth shot through the night and into his head.

This Humble Observer has absolutely no interest in becomming a full time employee, and if it were not for his complete lack of funds and substantial debt, would likely terminate his temporary status as well.

The giant senses great tension between your faithfull narrator and has been reduced to grunts and death stares on the occasions yours truely has had to squeeze past him in the hallways. He does not appreciate his authority being handed back to Big Momma, and is consequently threated by our humble observers aptitude for this exciting work.

On top of this, everyones favorite employee is unable to make his cup of chai, as all coffee mugs are either in use or in the dishwasher. The odds are against him this morning.

Rapid Ascension of the Corporate Ladder

Dear readers, your faithful narrator realizes that his next post is highly anticipated and awaited. The trials and tribulations of this humble observer are, of course, nothing less then thrilling edge-of-your-seat adventures, and he takes this chance to apologize for the large gap between this and his last post.

You see friends, an insurgence of high-priority time-sensitive materials have besieged this quaint office. With the CEO off to Europe for high-balling and quiet reflection, the work environment has been frantic in attempts to prepare for his abscence. Papers which require immediate revision and formatting are scattered amongst the office, many of them finding their way to our favorite plucky young lad's desk (which is no longer in a cozy office with a view of the city, but now surrounded by various interns and persons with eager attitudes). His utmost apologies for paying direct attention to this, which of course goes against most of his moral fiber. However, when in Rome, we must do as the Romans.

An assignment, which while not of the top-level of importance is nonetheless essential to the smooth runnings of this non-profit, was given to our faithful narrator yesterday morning. The CEO recently took a trip abroad and during his adventures took over 400 photographs of landscapes and rivers. When these pictures were sent to the printer, the conundrum that is Windows XP Picture and Fax Viewer put said photographs out of order, just slightly. The important task of going through all 411 of them and labelling them on the "control sheet" of course could only be trusted with yours truely, due to his overwhelming capacity for turning out high-quality product. The task was approached with vigor, enthusiasm, and cunning.

Today the giant has not shown up, his lair a dank pit of emptiness and loneliness. The entire workplace moral is suffering greatly, although no one is burning candles and incense. Go figure.

More important documents involving possible lunch dates need to be processed and sent. To Microsoft Outlook and QUICK!

Flowers in the Spring

This Monday afternoon finds our very own Plucky Young Lad confused and suprised, as the previous 4 hours have actually been spent doing that which is easily considered "work." The giant, despite his inability to falter when it comes to his matters of importance, somehow neglected to finish the high-priority assignments bestowed upon him over the weekend, and the EO found itself in something akin to a tizzy this morning as correspondence had accumulated into two or three ominous looking folders.

The crack team of specialists quickly delved in to the normal assortment of intelligble memos and low quality audio tapes. Our faithful narrator, having negotiated himself away from menial labors specifically pertaining to the audio tapes, found himself awash with papers and chicken-scratch, most of which he was able to delegate to an actual employee so that he could make time for listening to miles davis. While Mr. Davis did not increase this humble observer's ability to effectively and efficiently proofread and translate, it did keep his mood-enhanced brain in a much more accepting state of awareness.

Your narrator would like to take the following free time to elaborate and educate his readers on a development that consumed much time and energy last week and small trickles are still being found this week in the executive office's sewage system.

The CEO of everyones favorite non-profit enjoys nature immensely, and assumes that all of his colleagues and close personal friends have a similar passion for flowers and trees. Because of this, on a recent trip to nearby mountains, several pictures of rhododendrons and landscapes were captured, and a list of possible nature-lovers was compiled (the list being 80+ people). Naturally, the CEO insisted that digital copies of these photographs be attached in a form email to his closest friends, inviting them to possibly join him this following weekend and enjoy some of the splendor themselves. However, it was quickly discovered that most of these close associates email addresses were either entirely missing or incorrect. In an effort to add his own most personal touch, said CEO and Founder then decided to mail said letter, carrying his own personal and accessible first-name-only signature, as well as a page with the pictures on it. Originially, five photographs were attached, this being too much to fit on a single 8.5 x 11 page, so there were two pages of attachments for each letter.

Unbeknownst to all but the giant, the CEO changed his mind over the weekend as to which photos he would like to attach. This change was not caught until over 80 of these letters were assembled, with envelopes and attachments, and given to the CEO for his signature. The response was a justified outrage! After much direction, our own narrator sat through an extensive set of directions as to how to fix the error, and how to ensure that a similar travesty never again occur. This was given to our humble observer, despite the fact that once the emails proved futile, he was never again requested to oversee the rhododhendron correspondence.

As far as yours truly knows, this mistake was eventually conquered, but every once in a while those familiar pictures appear and are usually delegated to the "Flower Master". Of course, sending these letters out is somewhat posthumous, as the CEO meant LAST weekend, and this weekend will be overseas.

Even Considering Escaping is not Permissable

Our narrator had engagements this weekend which brought him south of his residence and potential earth-shaking job offer, and thusly his mobile phone remained largely ignored (especially to those from a staffing agency that will remain nameless). This humble observer had failed to inform said staffing agency that his prescene was most required past the original termination date due to his steadfast commitement and productive attitude at this current place of employment.

Within the span of 48 hours, 2 calls were made to the mobile phone while travelling, one to his home line, and finally cumulating in a Sunday-afternoon friendly enquiry as to whether or not our narrator would return to this exciting and potentially life-saving organization. Yours truly responded with a resounding affirmative.

At this moment, the humble observer is contemplating imporant issues such as the question of whether laundering may wait another day and whether or not a post nine o clock appearance is acceptable.

Power Shuffle

When our narrator left yesterday, he had recieved a microfiche containing several important documents of correspondence. The sheer annoyance of such a trifling concern led him close to the brink of madness, so he quickly responded by delegating the authority to the superior rold-gold pretzel consuming giant in the corner.

The giant is currently considered a superior of sorts, as his commitement to the work force is extraordinary. In order to approach his employment with the clearest of minds, the giant has a series of perfectly engineered breaks that ensure he will be operating at full form. These breaks include, but are not limited to half-hour walks around the building, a brief dash downstairs to obtain rold-gold pretzels and a diet coke (approximately 9:23 every morning), hour walks around the building, and the infamous -where-the-hell-has-the-giant-been-i-havent-seen-him-since-this-morning.

It should be noted at this point that despite the giants sincere dedication to the business, that he has at least one unpleasant drawback. The giant has a musky scent which follows him and fills his tiny cave with the fragrant medley of feces and chip-based-junk-food. In a failing effort to combat this mild detractment, those around him are accostomed to burning candles (and sometimes incense, whilst chanting out of obscure religious texts).

Our Humble Observer has recently employed another defense, the closing of his door to prevent such stenches and otherwise bothersome interruptions from the giant, who has recently sensed that due to the overwhelming response from this plucky young lad's interview yesterday that he may not be "King of the Jungle" much longer. While our narrator is anything but power-hungry, the giant is nonetheless threatened by the emergence of a new alpha male, and has responded by delegating menial transcription tapes. He returned the tape just a few hours later, having filled in the address and beginning a paragraph of noteworthy correspondence, obviously doing the equivelant of peeing on a fire hydrant.

Never fear, the plucky young lad responded swiftly and within moments had finished the tape. His reward:

Another microfiche. The giant has won this round and celebrated with a can of slim fast.

recent news: he has breeched the door and attacked the nearby air folicles with overwheming scents of pasteurized and dehydrated cheese. The giant fights dirty, there is no doubt.

So.....

Tha premise:

Young musically inclined Adult is hired for 2.5 week assignment as transcriber to somone important. Transcribing proves to be obnoxious and cluttered w. food-wearing stapler-desiring freaks, however the interest in Plucky Young Lad (aka Humble Observer) and his ability to slowly produce low quality product is too instatiable to resist. An attempt is made to engage our hero in complicated hiring procedures and scatter-brained escapades for the following 3 weeks, all in an effort to find a position for our favorite underachiever. What will happen when he is booted from his temporary office to a less comfortable position? Will he share a cubicle with aforementioned food wearing (And increasingly stench-full) possible colleague? And how on earth will he continue to amuse himself with stories and bad impressions once his trusty sidekick, the ThunderCat, moves on to greener pastures at significantly higher pay for an evil corporation? Tune in to:

Tha Humble Observer (Plucky Young Lad)'s Adventures in Non-Profit Land

todays edition brought to you by sarcasm and sleep-deprivation.