Goals for 2010

Ahve prolly said it before on this blog, but Ah Don't Believe in New Years Resolutions. Ahm all about personal improvement, n appreciate that it does facilitate many people examinin thar lives n makin conscious efforts to better themselves. Howevah, ah always have thought that if thar was somethang you should fix about yerself, you should implement it as soon as possible, hopefully immediately upon realizin this. Ahll admit, ah can't always implement change immediately myself, but think that ahm relatively good at fixin my bad traits (if ah wish ta dae so at least).

However, 2010 seems pivotal to me, n ah think that havin some concrete goals to work for (n hopefully accomplish) will be helpful in reachin more of my potential this year. These are subject to change, howevah, tha initial spirit will try ta be kept if edits are made.

So here's Severe's List of Goals for 2010:

• Put together both a video and written solicitation to approach potential sponsors with (ie, bass guitar and amplifier manufacturers). Research the best way to go about initiating contact


• Related to above, have done at least preliminary recording for Severe Bass w. band, if not having recorded EP (hopeful)


• Continue attending Bikram yoga at LEAST 2 x per week, hoping to create an average that is closer to 3. Do at LEAST one double - preferably back-to-back if attainable.


• Attend bike maintenance course


• Garden with as much available space as possible in Spring/Summer 2010, paying attention to conditions and recommended crops


• Get a raise at work


• Take a vacation for myself


• Finish reviewing every taqueria in the Mission for Burrito-Quest!

This list is a work in progress

2010, Comin round tha bend....

Holy shit wow 2009 is almost done with. Whoo-wee! Ahm lookin forward to tha new year, THA FUTURE!

Ahve been in a fight w. December - ah figured tha only way ta make it thru this month was ta come out fists blazin. First thang first, ah took a day off, n gawt sick. As ah was recoverin, ah scouted ta nova (see below - man, ahve been slackin this month on writin journal posts). Work was nutso, n ah mae sure ta keep every second ah had outside booked w. auditionin a new WTB vocalist (hopin she works out - sings real nice n knows her shite!), auditionin my own band (Drummers already flaked - we'll see if tha guitarist sticks around), musick, sfbc outreach trainin (so ah ken werk tha sweet places), xmass gift shoppin, cutting off my goatee, n of kerse, tha holidaze in Buffalo.



Tha turbulence before tha Great Lakes was one of tha worst ahve evah experienced, but ah made to n from BNIA without much problem. Buffalo was a mixture of sleep, food, family, and booze. Ah believe mom counted 35 er so people overall - 5 of which were between tha ages of 3 months n 8 years, which were (ahem) uber-cute n hella fun.

Sadly, nawt a single fawkin picture was taken as far as ah know at this Xmass, which was a really really good one.

December has pretty much backed off, altho ah did throw up aftah yoga fer tha first time evah (wtf), n ahm feelin pretty good about everythang. Thar was anutha surprise, from my alma mater....ahll extrapolate at a latah time.

Tomorrow is tha last day of 2009. Ah can't say 2009 was a bad year - plenty of good stuff happened (n nawt much bad). Just that ahm supah fawkin excited about 2010.

Instead of new years resolutions, ahma set some quantifiable goals fer myself in 2010. Expect me ta be postin/editin them soon.

2010 is when it all comes togetha people (altho maybe ah said that last year, hah!)

Good times in pictures

My trip home was nawt all emo reflection howevah - ah did have a rawkin time, despite tha logistics....

Ah left my house at 5:45 AM on Thursday mornin ta catch a 7:30 flight, n arrived about when ah was supposed ta. Then ah went out fer way too much veggie food at my favorite NOVA veg restaurant Sunflower. Aftahwerds ah gawta margarita w. my boy Damian - Damian is actually one of my newer friends in NOVA, even tho we've been hangin out fer ovah a decade now.

Friday ah was off ta lunch w. some of my old SUUSI girls, n then ah swung by my organizations DC office fer a couple hours ta speak geek n databases. Ah met up w. tha fabulous Jen Hitt fer some musick, n then it was off ta a party consistin of a bunch of my friends n burners. Well, Jen n Todd had SOME non-burner friends ah guess :)

Tha party was a good time...it lived up to it's West Coast promises, which wasn't entirely my fault. My homeboy E. Jay brought a djembe which facilitated hippy dance-times, n all tha burners brought thar open-minds n crap. Howevah tha burner world did turn out two wondahful surprises as well.

Oh yeah, pictures:

Ah made sure ta eat seth before he left

Ah must've had a grand experience howevah, cuz ah even freestyled near tha end of tha nite, somethang thas only happened a half a dozen times at most. It requires a very particular blend of intoxication n comfortability, as well as feelin like ah have somethang ta rap about.

Tha guy next ta me was cool but also a lil obvious in how much he was tryin ta git laid, n also needed more songs ta sing at parties

Then it snowed. Ah fergawt ta git pictures, but ah didn't like that. No sir, ah didn't like that bullshit. Howevah, ah gawta cute pic of me w. Todd that mornin:


He just looks so happy ta be next ta me

Finally ah went back ta NOVA n had dinnah w. E. Jay n my rents:


N then ah wrote tha previous post when he left.

Ah did indeed stay up all nite my last evenin in NOVA. Grabbed some Z's on tha plane, n tha second ah gawt back ah was in full-motion. First thangs first, ah werked my usual shift at tha yoga studio. Then ah went home fer a couple hours, had some food, n went back to tha yoga studio ta finish up. Aftah some (result-less) shoppin, ah was back w. enuff time ta snack, showah, n git dressed fer tha SF Bike Coalition Winter Fest. Ah like tha SFBC, n ah like pourin beer fer them (partially cuz ah always end up gittin a few free ones that way). W. tha combination of everythang, ah gawt apparently really hammered.


Ah remembah havin a good time, but ah don't remembah who these people are

Then ah rode home in tha rain. Awesome, really it was.

Whew! WTB is auditionin vocalists this week, ah am meetin w. two guitarists n one potential drummer fer Severe Bass, n gaein to tha Symphony on Saturday. Also our new roommate moved in. N it's been cold as shit (in tha low 40s!)

December, ahma kick yer sorry ass! You'd bettah git outta here before we git intae it....

Reflections

I'm in my dad's office of the house I grew up in. I came back to visit for a few days because my rents are in tha process of fixing up their house so they can move intae one thar havin built fer them in Buffalo, NY. (Note: My father is from Buffalo n much of his family is still thar - hence movin TO Buffalo). It was sort of a spur-of-tha-moment decision...basically ah realized that my last chance ta see this place before it's gone is whenevah ah make it happen.

It's fucking weird. Ah admit - ah don't really like this feelin. Partially ah think ah didn't give myself enuff time here - altho what would anutha day er two actually have done? Part of it is also that ahve been so busy since ah landed (intentional) visitin w. friends (pics from a rawkin party ta come). So who knows if ahd be able ta come ta terms with this in a bettah way if ahd been here more. Ah sorta doubt it - especially w.o a bass here ta write with.

But man, it's hit me. Ahm nawt even sure whar exactly its hit, but it has. My oldest friend came ovah earlier, n we went out ta dinnah w. my folks, which was great. Then he came back n showed me facebook photos from tha 10 year high skool reunion ah didn't even git an invite fer (but certainly wouldn't have come back here for), which was interesting, altho nawt especially nostalgic - almost none of tha folks ah would be really interestin in connectin w. were thar, n plenty of them that ah had nae interest in were.

Howevah, tha second he left, thar was nae more distractions. Ahm lookin at tha hallways of my childhood rite now - freshly painted n void of tha pictures ah remembah growin up with. Thars a single box of stuff that ah didn't take ta SF w. me in my closet - my room also freshly painted a nice bright color ah nevah would've chosen. Ah went thru that box a lil bit - old heavy metal t-shirts, SUUSI mug books. high skool yearbooks, n a photo album my mom put togetha fer me a few years back.

Tha photo album was hard man. Ah hate lookin at pictures ah know ahm in n nawt bein able ta find me. But seein tha walls of this house in all tha backgrounds - seein how happy ah was in many of those pics - relivin certain faded memories n piecin togetha othas - that was hard. Ah can't remembah tha last time ah cried that much - n ah certainly can't remembah tha last time ah cried this much without bein able ta articulate what it was ah was cryin about.

It's nawt just tha house - ah mean, yeah, thas part of it. But ahm really sayin goodbye ta this area, this part of my life. But this is the part of my life. Yeah, ah spent 4 years in bawstan, a few months in Australia, n have been out west fer a couple years. Compare that to tha house ah grew up in, tha house ah returned to time n time again, its nawt much. Further compare that to tha life (lives!) ah created out here, it's naethang. This area, fer bettah er worse, is who ah am, er at least who ah was. Tha world ah lived in out here defined me, continues to dae so, will always be my hometown.

Ah think thas what it is - without this place ta come home to, who am ah? That seems trite to write, but if ahm nawt whar ah came from, ah hafta be whar ahm gaein. N ah don't know whar ahm gaein. Ah have some ideas, n ah like/love whar ahm at most of tha time, but tha long-term plans, tha next step, it's just nawt thar.

That scares tha shite outta me. Ahve been spendin so much time makin sure tha life ah was actively livin was one ah want, ah haven't had my sights set on tha future in a while. It's like once ah gawt intae SF, ah stopped plannin - n that was somewhat intentional. But ahm losin my roots, ahm losin tha connection to whar ah came from, n it's frightening.

Especially b/c ahm nawt gawna regain them. Visitin w. old friends out here is amazin - but many of them won't be here much longah anyway (Which is good fer them). N ah couldn't move back here even if ah wanted. Tha scenes that have been created, er at least that my old cohorts have been recruited fer, aren't mine. Ah don't want them ta be. It's nawt just b/c ah ken be a snob er suspicious of new thangs - it's b/c they don't represent who er what ah want ta be. So what daes?

Ah love San Francisco. Ah love my day-ta-day fer tha most part out thar. Ah cherish tha good friends ah have made out thar (tha few of them). Ah dig my job, my bands, my house, my routines, my space. But they are all NOW. They are not 2 years from now. Some people would prolly say "Fer fawks sake man, all you evah dae is plan, can't you just enjoy????" N ah can't say "of kerse ah can just enjoy" w. enuff certainty ta actually believe it even. It's nawt really how ahm wired.

So what next? WHAT THA FAWK NEXT???

Ah don't know. It's nawt that ahm worried about it per se, ah just don't know. Fer tha first time in many many years, somethang is endin, n ah don't know tha next steps are. N ah don't need em eitha. Ah could prolly keep daein what it is ahm daein fer a couple more years (more er less) w.o any negative ramifications. N then ahd be fawkin 30. It's nawt that ahm afraid of 30 so much that it is ahm afraid of nawt havin a plan.

Ah also think that part of this emotion comes from that ah have nae control ovah this change. Ah haven't been able ta say, yes, this step is ovah, n onward to tha next one. This marker has been created for me n it's caught me way-tha-fawk-off-guard, n ahm nawt especially good at bein caught like that. So nawt only am ah dealin w. a big scary unexpected animal of a life-changing-moment, it's nawt one ahve made n have come ta terms with just yet.

2010 has come early for me. Ah feel a great desire/need to mark this change on me in some way. Part of it will be gittin rid of this goatee (that ah actually really dig). Ahm also ready ta start plannin my next tattoo - which will be SF-themed. These things help, but thar all superficial. So whas tha real thang ah need ta dae ta own tha next phase of my life? N how dae ah know it's tha rite one?

Ahm nawt exactly afraid of failin - you learn from mistakes n ah pride myself on bein able ta recognize those that ah have made in tha past. But ah sorta feel like ahm blindfolded, w. a big stick, n they tell me thars PROBABLY a big pinata up thar in tha air, n ah just need ta hit it, but b/c ahm nawt sure if ah believe thar even is a pinata, ahm just standin thar, thinkin, tryin ta hear tha wind, n determine if ah should start flailing in tha air, when ahd ratha hang out n hold on fer a clue as ta whar that pinata is. But would ah even believe them if they told me?

Ahm also standin thar thinkin, "why tha fawk dae ah need this blindfold in tha first place?"

Ah hafta leave my house at 530 this mornin, n its 2 am so far. Ah think ahm just gawna hang out at my dads comp, drinkin his beer, thinkin these thoughts, n cryin tha occasional cry until my body gives up n my brain shuts off. This would be a MUCH bettah plan if ah didn't hafta act like Sunday is any otha Sunday when ah git back west - meanin, ahll have cleaned tha yoga studio before ah even git home, n will then be volunteerin at anutha San Francisco Bike Coalition fundraiser by pourin beer.

My life is pretty awesome - why am ah so scared? Why daes thar hafta be a plan? Why daes it hafta git bettah?

Any of you who know me will also know tha answah ta at least tha last two questions - it's just tha way ahm fawkin programmed. But if anyone ken help me deal w. tha first one, well, ahm all ears.

Kickstarter!

I really like this website Kickstarter. It's a very cool way to raise money for your projects, and there is some awesome stuff on there.

In a nutshell, someone posts their project with a minimum amount of money they need to raise, and a time frame to do it. They offer different rewards at different contribution levels, and if the project hits it's goal, you're billed. If not, no one gets billed. It's pretty easy to do if you have an account on Amazon as well.

I get a good feeling by supporting a project on Kickstarter - I know that a small portion of the sales goes elsewhere, but I'm helping someone accomplish what they are trying to do, directly, and I get a cool perk from it - and I get to decide how much I'm willing to support something.

So far I gave $5 bucks to a struggling community garden in Philadelphia in exchange for some herbs, and totally snagged a killer piece of art by John T Unger, an artist who's work very much appeals to me. His project completely took off as when he jumped into twitter and started raising awareness for some evil corporation that is ripping off his ideas and trying to sue him in addition. I was lucky enough to feel like I got in on the ground floor and am really happy to help, make the connection, and have a fire imp displayed in my room.


I have to admit that knowing a website like this exists is very encouraging. In fact, I've started brainstorming if I would be able to raise some 800 - 1000 bucks for a new computer, the promise being that I would use said computer to do something?

Brainstorming.....