Wee the Band plays a Festival!

Nevermind that it was fer a snobby neighborhood and we were billed as an "all-ages rock band", meaning all our songs about sex, drugs, and ritualistic murder had to be stripped. It was still a festival, n we gawt paid motherfuckers. So deal.

Anyway, our kickass sound guy Tim snapped some snazzy lookin photos of us, so ahma share. Again, nevermind that this gig was like 4 weeks ago. You still git pics. Of me in wearin a felt tie. Aren't you lucky motherfuckers?

Tha band!


Tha band n some kids who danced!


Ah sing!


Tha (leavin) Crowd!



In sad news, one of our singers Ashante is no longer singing with us. We are gaein ta be playin w.o her in a few weeks, n then tryin ta replace her as soon as we ken - but they hafta be good.

Ahm kiddin, that news isn't sad at all, she drove me absolutely crazy n ahm actually really really glad she's nawt with tha band anymore (Altho ah will say that a)she could sing like a muthafawka n b)girl had some good bizness sense that we certainly profited from).

Tha girls of tha internet...

So as you've prolly picked up if you read this from time to time, ahve been usin tha internet ta date since gittin out here. It hasn't been tha only way ahve met people, but it has been tha easiest - in it's own way at least. At first it was just some Crazy Blind Dating, but about a year ago ah turned ta both Craigslist as well as popular online datin site that prolly daesn't need ta be named.

Anyway, some of it went fine, some of it was lame, a bit of it was REALLY lame, ah met some cool girls, ah met some crazy girls, n ah gawt some stories. Howevah, ahm takin a break from it cuz ahm lookin back on my experiences n realizin that thar is really very little return from my investment. First off, online datin is extremely frustratin, especially if you are a male, n possibly more if you are, like me, only lookin to date, perhaps more. Tha amount of unanswered messages sent is mind-boggoling. Ahm very glad ah created a separate semi-anonymous email address for it (yes, ahm creepy like that, but really, ah dont want these fools ta know my last name!)

Anyway, even if thar was a response, n some back n forth, ahd guess it ended up in meetin that person about 30 percent of tha time? Maybe more like 40, ahm obviously guessing here, but suffice to say that those ah met n went on a date with were a small select few out of those I'd messaged or responded to.

But if you know me, ah always dae everythang full-force. So despite this annoyance and frustratin, ah believe ah have met at least 20 women from tha internet in tha Bay Area since last October. Thassa lawt. How dae ah know all this?

Simple. Everyone gawt a nickname, ie, _______-girl. N eventually ah started keepin a list of all tha _____-girls ahd actually met. N of kerse ahve separated them intae 3 categories: Fine (as in, these were good people but we didn't have much in common/chemsitry/etc), Meh (one way or another, I was left feeling kind of meh on the whole thing, whether it was a date or a month, this relationship lacked something and I probably could have done without the interaction), and WTF (who is this creep-show and what are they doing on the market!).

For your added convenience, I've ordered them in descending order of WTF. So now, ah present, Tha Girls of tha Internet:

WTF:
eyebrow-girl
writer-girl
pirate-girl
cycle-girl
oakland-girl
giant-girl
psych-girl
late-girl
boring-girl

meh:
geek-girl
lip-ring-girl
cello-girl
boyfriend-girl
boston-girl
bike-girl
camera-girl
guitar-girl
masseuse-girl

Fine
book-girl
midget-girl
phd-girl (Despite us not being a very good match, we dated for a few months, eventually breaking up because we know it wasn't going anywhere)

Maybe if ahm feelin gossipy you ken ask me about one of them n ahll give you tha scoop! (Maybe nawt tho).

Why You Should Nevah Give Yer Numbah Ta Someone At a Yoga Studio

(Even if you both werk-trade thar).

Ah was awkwardly "picked up" yestahday mornin (it's in quotes b/c her actual intentions ahve yet ta decipher) by a fellow werk-trader. We exchanged awkward pleasantries in tha mornin, she laughed at my jokes, n then ended up stayin fer a second class ("because it was rainin - a lil weird, but ah was maybe flattered?). She also moved her mat rite next ta mine which was also strange. Actually, she asked fer my numbah before all that - she asked what my cell was n when ah asked her why, she stammered "so ah ken put it in my phone." Fair enuff, n ah like women who pursue thangs/people they like, so ah gave it ta her. Ah asked "So what happens now" n she told me "you'll see." Ah guess ah saw, but ah definitely don't unnerstand (please note that ah have paid tha utmost attention ta detail in recreatin these text messages):

Crazy Yoga Girl (11:30 am - just after giving her my number): may i Plz hau That Nmbr?

Me (3:28 pm): Welcome to my phone book, cyg, mission accomplished. How are u spendin the rest of this Sunday?

CYG (4:10 pm): TxtualRelationz1drfl (this translates to "Textual Relations -- see Urban Dictionary, Wonderful (1drfl - ah had ta look it up too).

Me (4:27 pm): Yer textin is more advanced then mine but ah ken find online translations. Nae such reference guide exists fer mine yet.

Me (5:13 pm): Longest nite! (in case she was shy or whatever, I'm at least trying to encourage conversation...nawt fer much longah tho)

Me (6:38 pm): *fizzle* (as in my interest)

CYG (1:07 pm): WutLiz@TBTOfTOcnNShAks?GiuUp?ANerusWrek (eventually this was deciphered as "What Lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? Give up? A Nervous Wreck." I'm getting tired of this by now)

Me (1:41 pm): Unsubzkribe

CYG (1:46 pm): IDGI (I don't get it)

Me (1:55 pm): Nae mas porfa. Gratzi n ciao

CYG (1:57 pm): GratzUhurtMyFelngs.DoYQMe? (Great, you hurt my feelings, do you question me?)

Me (2:50 pm): The recipient of this message will no longer accept texts that require translation from your number. Please reformat and try again.

CYG (3:48 pm): ThatWuzAJOk.DoUNoAboutTheCarpets?Thnx4kpnquiet abt it. (I have no idea what this is)

Me (3:52 pm): Message undeliverable, the recipient is bored w this.

CYG (4:24 pm): AUI?WutzFizle? (beats the hell out of me)

Me (4:41 pm): Totally lame, im blocking all texts from this number now. Really (this was her last chance...)

CYG (4:44 pm): QL:QuitLaughingAUI:

Me (4:45 pm): That was the last one

and then I blocked her on Sprint.

Ah can't help but thank its nawt actually a person who was daein this, some fawked up computah thang, but eitha way:

Don't Evah Give Yer Numbah Ta Someone At a Yoga Studio - even if they are cute and flexible.

Da Bitches be KERAZZY this weekend

somethang about tha end of tha year maybe? Ah dinnae. But somethangs gawt intae tha women of SF this weekend. Ah've been:

-affectionately verbally assaulted on tha web by someone ah hadn't met
-written by thrice my usual amount of females on tha internet datin site ahm (kind of) usin
-made plans w. someone that sounded very enthusiastic about what looked like a lawt of fun n then canceled on me last minute w.o an explanation, via text.
-ignored by one of tha few people ah am interested in n subsequently gawt bumped intae "maybe we'll hang out next year" despite her claimed interest
-kissed on tha mouth by an unattractive mostly-stranger
-picked up at tha yoga studio only ta be texted inane lolcatz-typed slang n then ignored (ah think this last one is messin w. my head tha most)

Anyway, whatevs. Couple more days ahll be outta here n by tha time ah come back ahm hopin ta have a great week, hopefully sans too many of tha nutzos (altho ahm sure ah won't avoid em all - that would be borin). Maybe it's tha beard?