Tha girls of tha internet...

So as you've prolly picked up if you read this from time to time, ahve been usin tha internet ta date since gittin out here. It hasn't been tha only way ahve met people, but it has been tha easiest - in it's own way at least. At first it was just some Crazy Blind Dating, but about a year ago ah turned ta both Craigslist as well as popular online datin site that prolly daesn't need ta be named.

Anyway, some of it went fine, some of it was lame, a bit of it was REALLY lame, ah met some cool girls, ah met some crazy girls, n ah gawt some stories. Howevah, ahm takin a break from it cuz ahm lookin back on my experiences n realizin that thar is really very little return from my investment. First off, online datin is extremely frustratin, especially if you are a male, n possibly more if you are, like me, only lookin to date, perhaps more. Tha amount of unanswered messages sent is mind-boggoling. Ahm very glad ah created a separate semi-anonymous email address for it (yes, ahm creepy like that, but really, ah dont want these fools ta know my last name!)

Anyway, even if thar was a response, n some back n forth, ahd guess it ended up in meetin that person about 30 percent of tha time? Maybe more like 40, ahm obviously guessing here, but suffice to say that those ah met n went on a date with were a small select few out of those I'd messaged or responded to.

But if you know me, ah always dae everythang full-force. So despite this annoyance and frustratin, ah believe ah have met at least 20 women from tha internet in tha Bay Area since last October. Thassa lawt. How dae ah know all this?

Simple. Everyone gawt a nickname, ie, _______-girl. N eventually ah started keepin a list of all tha _____-girls ahd actually met. N of kerse ahve separated them intae 3 categories: Fine (as in, these were good people but we didn't have much in common/chemsitry/etc), Meh (one way or another, I was left feeling kind of meh on the whole thing, whether it was a date or a month, this relationship lacked something and I probably could have done without the interaction), and WTF (who is this creep-show and what are they doing on the market!).

For your added convenience, I've ordered them in descending order of WTF. So now, ah present, Tha Girls of tha Internet:

WTF:
eyebrow-girl
writer-girl
pirate-girl
cycle-girl
oakland-girl
giant-girl
psych-girl
late-girl
boring-girl

meh:
geek-girl
lip-ring-girl
cello-girl
boyfriend-girl
boston-girl
bike-girl
camera-girl
guitar-girl
masseuse-girl

Fine
book-girl
midget-girl
phd-girl (Despite us not being a very good match, we dated for a few months, eventually breaking up because we know it wasn't going anywhere)

Maybe if ahm feelin gossipy you ken ask me about one of them n ahll give you tha scoop! (Maybe nawt tho).

Da Bitches be KERAZZY this weekend

somethang about tha end of tha year maybe? Ah dinnae. But somethangs gawt intae tha women of SF this weekend. Ah've been:

-affectionately verbally assaulted on tha web by someone ah hadn't met
-written by thrice my usual amount of females on tha internet datin site ahm (kind of) usin
-made plans w. someone that sounded very enthusiastic about what looked like a lawt of fun n then canceled on me last minute w.o an explanation, via text.
-ignored by one of tha few people ah am interested in n subsequently gawt bumped intae "maybe we'll hang out next year" despite her claimed interest
-kissed on tha mouth by an unattractive mostly-stranger
-picked up at tha yoga studio only ta be texted inane lolcatz-typed slang n then ignored (ah think this last one is messin w. my head tha most)

Anyway, whatevs. Couple more days ahll be outta here n by tha time ah come back ahm hopin ta have a great week, hopefully sans too many of tha nutzos (altho ahm sure ah won't avoid em all - that would be borin). Maybe it's tha beard?

Crazy Blind!

If you live in Austin, TX, Boston, MA, NYC, er tha SF Bay area, thars a new internet meeting site that cuts through all tha bullshit n puts you in a face-off w. someone of a desirable sex IN REAL LIFE!

CrazyBlindDate.com is apparently run by tha same people that dae OKCupid, only the main difference is that you have virtually nae contact w. tha otha person before you meet them at a bar/coffeeshop. You answer a few basick questions fer about what yer lookin fer that tha otha person ken see, n then a few more about who yer lookin fer (that they can't see) n then tha fun is supposed ta begin. You dae upload a photo, but they pixelate tha shite outta it so you have nae idea what tha person you are meeting actually looks like:

Ah had one of these last Friday, which had various drawbacks....my date was ovah an hour late (at least she let me know) n it lasted all of two (very strong) drinks at a bar, before she had ta run home ta her 4-month year old son (in San Jose). These thangs werk fast howevah, fer in just tha last hour ahve set up anutha one fer this evening. Of kerse, an unemployed and broke musician who lives in tha burbs is sure ta knock ALL tha ladies off their feet, so we ken rest assured thangs will gae smashingly THIS time around, rite?