Good times in pictures

My trip home was nawt all emo reflection howevah - ah did have a rawkin time, despite tha logistics....

Ah left my house at 5:45 AM on Thursday mornin ta catch a 7:30 flight, n arrived about when ah was supposed ta. Then ah went out fer way too much veggie food at my favorite NOVA veg restaurant Sunflower. Aftahwerds ah gawta margarita w. my boy Damian - Damian is actually one of my newer friends in NOVA, even tho we've been hangin out fer ovah a decade now.

Friday ah was off ta lunch w. some of my old SUUSI girls, n then ah swung by my organizations DC office fer a couple hours ta speak geek n databases. Ah met up w. tha fabulous Jen Hitt fer some musick, n then it was off ta a party consistin of a bunch of my friends n burners. Well, Jen n Todd had SOME non-burner friends ah guess :)

Tha party was a good time...it lived up to it's West Coast promises, which wasn't entirely my fault. My homeboy E. Jay brought a djembe which facilitated hippy dance-times, n all tha burners brought thar open-minds n crap. Howevah tha burner world did turn out two wondahful surprises as well.

Oh yeah, pictures:

Ah made sure ta eat seth before he left

Ah must've had a grand experience howevah, cuz ah even freestyled near tha end of tha nite, somethang thas only happened a half a dozen times at most. It requires a very particular blend of intoxication n comfortability, as well as feelin like ah have somethang ta rap about.

Tha guy next ta me was cool but also a lil obvious in how much he was tryin ta git laid, n also needed more songs ta sing at parties

Then it snowed. Ah fergawt ta git pictures, but ah didn't like that. No sir, ah didn't like that bullshit. Howevah, ah gawta cute pic of me w. Todd that mornin:


He just looks so happy ta be next ta me

Finally ah went back ta NOVA n had dinnah w. E. Jay n my rents:


N then ah wrote tha previous post when he left.

Ah did indeed stay up all nite my last evenin in NOVA. Grabbed some Z's on tha plane, n tha second ah gawt back ah was in full-motion. First thangs first, ah werked my usual shift at tha yoga studio. Then ah went home fer a couple hours, had some food, n went back to tha yoga studio ta finish up. Aftah some (result-less) shoppin, ah was back w. enuff time ta snack, showah, n git dressed fer tha SF Bike Coalition Winter Fest. Ah like tha SFBC, n ah like pourin beer fer them (partially cuz ah always end up gittin a few free ones that way). W. tha combination of everythang, ah gawt apparently really hammered.


Ah remembah havin a good time, but ah don't remembah who these people are

Then ah rode home in tha rain. Awesome, really it was.

Whew! WTB is auditionin vocalists this week, ah am meetin w. two guitarists n one potential drummer fer Severe Bass, n gaein to tha Symphony on Saturday. Also our new roommate moved in. N it's been cold as shit (in tha low 40s!)

December, ahma kick yer sorry ass! You'd bettah git outta here before we git intae it....

Reflections

I'm in my dad's office of the house I grew up in. I came back to visit for a few days because my rents are in tha process of fixing up their house so they can move intae one thar havin built fer them in Buffalo, NY. (Note: My father is from Buffalo n much of his family is still thar - hence movin TO Buffalo). It was sort of a spur-of-tha-moment decision...basically ah realized that my last chance ta see this place before it's gone is whenevah ah make it happen.

It's fucking weird. Ah admit - ah don't really like this feelin. Partially ah think ah didn't give myself enuff time here - altho what would anutha day er two actually have done? Part of it is also that ahve been so busy since ah landed (intentional) visitin w. friends (pics from a rawkin party ta come). So who knows if ahd be able ta come ta terms with this in a bettah way if ahd been here more. Ah sorta doubt it - especially w.o a bass here ta write with.

But man, it's hit me. Ahm nawt even sure whar exactly its hit, but it has. My oldest friend came ovah earlier, n we went out ta dinnah w. my folks, which was great. Then he came back n showed me facebook photos from tha 10 year high skool reunion ah didn't even git an invite fer (but certainly wouldn't have come back here for), which was interesting, altho nawt especially nostalgic - almost none of tha folks ah would be really interestin in connectin w. were thar, n plenty of them that ah had nae interest in were.

Howevah, tha second he left, thar was nae more distractions. Ahm lookin at tha hallways of my childhood rite now - freshly painted n void of tha pictures ah remembah growin up with. Thars a single box of stuff that ah didn't take ta SF w. me in my closet - my room also freshly painted a nice bright color ah nevah would've chosen. Ah went thru that box a lil bit - old heavy metal t-shirts, SUUSI mug books. high skool yearbooks, n a photo album my mom put togetha fer me a few years back.

Tha photo album was hard man. Ah hate lookin at pictures ah know ahm in n nawt bein able ta find me. But seein tha walls of this house in all tha backgrounds - seein how happy ah was in many of those pics - relivin certain faded memories n piecin togetha othas - that was hard. Ah can't remembah tha last time ah cried that much - n ah certainly can't remembah tha last time ah cried this much without bein able ta articulate what it was ah was cryin about.

It's nawt just tha house - ah mean, yeah, thas part of it. But ahm really sayin goodbye ta this area, this part of my life. But this is the part of my life. Yeah, ah spent 4 years in bawstan, a few months in Australia, n have been out west fer a couple years. Compare that to tha house ah grew up in, tha house ah returned to time n time again, its nawt much. Further compare that to tha life (lives!) ah created out here, it's naethang. This area, fer bettah er worse, is who ah am, er at least who ah was. Tha world ah lived in out here defined me, continues to dae so, will always be my hometown.

Ah think thas what it is - without this place ta come home to, who am ah? That seems trite to write, but if ahm nawt whar ah came from, ah hafta be whar ahm gaein. N ah don't know whar ahm gaein. Ah have some ideas, n ah like/love whar ahm at most of tha time, but tha long-term plans, tha next step, it's just nawt thar.

That scares tha shite outta me. Ahve been spendin so much time makin sure tha life ah was actively livin was one ah want, ah haven't had my sights set on tha future in a while. It's like once ah gawt intae SF, ah stopped plannin - n that was somewhat intentional. But ahm losin my roots, ahm losin tha connection to whar ah came from, n it's frightening.

Especially b/c ahm nawt gawna regain them. Visitin w. old friends out here is amazin - but many of them won't be here much longah anyway (Which is good fer them). N ah couldn't move back here even if ah wanted. Tha scenes that have been created, er at least that my old cohorts have been recruited fer, aren't mine. Ah don't want them ta be. It's nawt just b/c ah ken be a snob er suspicious of new thangs - it's b/c they don't represent who er what ah want ta be. So what daes?

Ah love San Francisco. Ah love my day-ta-day fer tha most part out thar. Ah cherish tha good friends ah have made out thar (tha few of them). Ah dig my job, my bands, my house, my routines, my space. But they are all NOW. They are not 2 years from now. Some people would prolly say "Fer fawks sake man, all you evah dae is plan, can't you just enjoy????" N ah can't say "of kerse ah can just enjoy" w. enuff certainty ta actually believe it even. It's nawt really how ahm wired.

So what next? WHAT THA FAWK NEXT???

Ah don't know. It's nawt that ahm worried about it per se, ah just don't know. Fer tha first time in many many years, somethang is endin, n ah don't know tha next steps are. N ah don't need em eitha. Ah could prolly keep daein what it is ahm daein fer a couple more years (more er less) w.o any negative ramifications. N then ahd be fawkin 30. It's nawt that ahm afraid of 30 so much that it is ahm afraid of nawt havin a plan.

Ah also think that part of this emotion comes from that ah have nae control ovah this change. Ah haven't been able ta say, yes, this step is ovah, n onward to tha next one. This marker has been created for me n it's caught me way-tha-fawk-off-guard, n ahm nawt especially good at bein caught like that. So nawt only am ah dealin w. a big scary unexpected animal of a life-changing-moment, it's nawt one ahve made n have come ta terms with just yet.

2010 has come early for me. Ah feel a great desire/need to mark this change on me in some way. Part of it will be gittin rid of this goatee (that ah actually really dig). Ahm also ready ta start plannin my next tattoo - which will be SF-themed. These things help, but thar all superficial. So whas tha real thang ah need ta dae ta own tha next phase of my life? N how dae ah know it's tha rite one?

Ahm nawt exactly afraid of failin - you learn from mistakes n ah pride myself on bein able ta recognize those that ah have made in tha past. But ah sorta feel like ahm blindfolded, w. a big stick, n they tell me thars PROBABLY a big pinata up thar in tha air, n ah just need ta hit it, but b/c ahm nawt sure if ah believe thar even is a pinata, ahm just standin thar, thinkin, tryin ta hear tha wind, n determine if ah should start flailing in tha air, when ahd ratha hang out n hold on fer a clue as ta whar that pinata is. But would ah even believe them if they told me?

Ahm also standin thar thinkin, "why tha fawk dae ah need this blindfold in tha first place?"

Ah hafta leave my house at 530 this mornin, n its 2 am so far. Ah think ahm just gawna hang out at my dads comp, drinkin his beer, thinkin these thoughts, n cryin tha occasional cry until my body gives up n my brain shuts off. This would be a MUCH bettah plan if ah didn't hafta act like Sunday is any otha Sunday when ah git back west - meanin, ahll have cleaned tha yoga studio before ah even git home, n will then be volunteerin at anutha San Francisco Bike Coalition fundraiser by pourin beer.

My life is pretty awesome - why am ah so scared? Why daes thar hafta be a plan? Why daes it hafta git bettah?

Any of you who know me will also know tha answah ta at least tha last two questions - it's just tha way ahm fawkin programmed. But if anyone ken help me deal w. tha first one, well, ahm all ears.

Weekend again

Last thursday marked 5 months in tha SF area, so lets see what ah was up ta, shall we?

First off, fer those of you unaware, my basick schedule these days is this: up around 7:30, out tha door between 8 and 8:30, 7.5 hours at my job, n then ah gae ta eitha yoga er band practice. On tha days ah have neitha (er skip yoga, as has been my march trend), ah generally gae home n veg, altho sometimes ah dae somethang bettah (like gaein to tha berkeley library er git a haircut). My weekends start w. me out tha house at 10:30 fer 11 am yoga, n then ah hop on tha BART fer practice w. think13. This usually takes me till about 5 er 6 pm, when ah usually gae home n collapse. Sunday, ah try ta take off.

Ahve been keepin up this pace all year, which is a lil surprising even ta me, but its a lawt of fun.

N this last weekend, think13 showed tha world (er at least tha Rock It Room) that we ain't all about tha handdrums n acoustic geetars all tha time. We brought 25 minutes of rawk to tha house, keepin up our end of tha bargain (as thar were 9 otha rawk bands, n if we didn't kick some ass it would've been very easy ta be tha weakest link). Even bettah, we were on kinda early, so that left tha rest of tha nite ta drink our hearts away (on our dime cuz tha rock it room doesn't take care of its bands - sorry guys, its tha truth. Ah will say that tha sound guy was phenomenal n worked way way way too hard).

Of kerse, whar alcohol is involved, thars opportunities fer bullshit. Especially when drunk frat boys think its funny ta pinch tha ass of our lead singers date. Over and over again. While it was quite a fine ass, it was made abundantly clear that she was spoken fer, n this guy did nawt take a hint. Nuthang came of it, but ah was surprised how quickly and easily East Coast teenager Anthony came to tha surface when confronted w. a total jackass who might have actually benefitted from gittin his ass kicked. Tha fact that thar was a dozen of us (mostly irish) who were of a similar mindframe helped...while ah continued ta tell myself that it wasn't worth it, nor a good idea, n that my karma would NAWT be rewarded, ah found myself shouting at a scumbag, n if ah hadn't been so inebriated ah might've even tried a curse. DOWN BOY!

tha rest of tha nite was fun, but its becoming obvious that ah need ta find myself a female companion in tha city, as at tha end of our gigs ahm crashin solo on a couch while tha otha band membahs spend "quality time" w. thar wife/gf/groupie. Perhaps ah should start talkin in a paddy accent in ordah ta make myself more exotic.....

Sunday was cold...actually its been ratha brisk in general out here since spring hit. Ahm told its b/c thars less cloud cover which makes sense. Despite tha sun beamin down all day, we're still hangin out at about 55/60 degrees, which is a smidge less then what ah consider "good weather." ahm sure my east coast friends like ta hear me complain.

Sunday afternoon was practice w. Warren Teagarden, which felt really really good. Partially b.c ah think our last live set went off so well and we're starting to feel a lot more comfortable w. each other and willing to dive into the songs. The CD release fer Warren is next Friday, and it should be a great nite. We play a particularly fantastic cover of Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Right Round," which you can hear if you buy tha CD (er email me and ask me nicely maybe).

Tha new job is startin ta settle in, altho ahm currently nawt busy enuff ta have an excuse ta nawt dae some of tha tedious busy work (mostly data entry). Howevah, my co-workers are quite competent at thar jobs, which is excellent, n thar promises ta be a shit ton of work as we gear up fer 2008 elections. It is a bit exciting to feel like in some way, ah could just maybe be makin a difference.

Ah also came intae some cool luck, as an old friend of mine from college had apparently moved w.o letting me know his new contact info. On a whim, ah googled his name, and found a number for him as he's been a guitar teacher fer quite a while. Ah rang him outta tha blue n had a great 2 hour conversation with him whar we reflected on how different our lives our - He's married n teaches almost 60 kids a week, but hasn't had a gig in so long he can't even remember. He's also just about 20 miles away from his home town, n gittin excited about tha prospect of buyin a house in tha relatively near future. Different priorities and different circumstances indeed.

It's spring. how about that. Thars a bitchin wildflower patch on my bike path that ah should take pictures of. This state is fricken beautiful, n everyone should move out here so they ken watch my bands play.