Review from a while back

Ah fergawt ta post tha Soilent Green review from Metal-Realm.net when they posted it. Here's the link:

Soilent Green - Inevitable Collapse in the Presence of Conviction

N here's a sneak preview of the Opeth review ah just finished while ahm at it (cuz ah don't know how long it mite take fer them ta put it up):

Opeth – Watershed

Opeth’s best and worst attribute is that their albums come with a large amount of anticipation and generally high expectations. They are some of the most technically skilled musicians in the modern metal scene as well as some of the most diverse and subtle, so there’s a reason they are pretty much the only progressive atmospheric metal band out there that can tastefully and effectively blend beautiful instrumentals with pounding rhythms, guitar pyrotechnics with lush melodies, etc. etc. Watershed starts off as one would expect – a soft acoustic song exploring the differences in Mikael Akerfeldt and guest vocalist Nathalie Lorichs vocal styles and setting you up for the crunch of “Heir Apparent,” which is a great transition – the first time you hear it.

With every other song clocking at over 7 minutes, there seems to be a lacking of original parts in some of them. “Heir Apparent” and the following track “The Lotus Eater” sound almost identical when one ends and the other begins, which might be the point, but when you’ve only got 7 tracks (and one of them is “Coil” the acoustic intro), I kind of expected a little more diversity. The songs do switch up the vibe rather effectively, and some of the best moments are when switching back and forth from driving angry musical blasts and the fast but still well played acoustic moments. But contrast is not necessarily enough to make a strong album, and after the second listen, this album begins to drag. Especially obnoxious is the last minute or so of “Burden,” which features out-of-tune acoustic guitar and then some smarmy laughing at the end of it. Hey Opeth – when Type O Negative plays a joke on it’s listeners, at least they don’t make it last more then 20 seconds. The production is great, although the bass is a bit behind the mix then I like (but I’m a bassist so that could just be my opinion), and the overall sound is air-tight, although anything less would be a monumental disappointment.

Finally, for an album that screams to be digested in one sitting, the last track “Hex Omega,” is completely unnecessary. The second-to-last track, “Hessian Peel,” puts pretty much everything out on the table and leaves you feeling somewhat satisfied. By throwing another track on the end of what is already a 48 minute album, it gives the whole thing the feeling it wasn’t completely thought out. Not to mention that “Hex Omega,” doesn’t explore any musical territory that hasn’t already been done (almost to death) in the preceding 5 tracks. There’s also a large amount of self-indulgent guitar playing that I noticed after I’d digested the album as a whole.

It’s not a bad album by any means – there are some great riffs in this track, some very cool progressions and phenomenal guitar playing. But when you expect a little bit more from a band that is as polished and professional as Opeth, it leaves sort of a bad taste in your mouth and seriously takes away from it’s ability to be revisited over and over again. The determination in “Watershed” is obvious, but some of the focus is lost, and that makes for a more-then-slightly uneven album. Which is a shame, because there’s hints at greatness spread throughout.

Rating: 6 out of 10

"Teeth" Review

Every Rose Has It's Thorn

Ahll admit, half of tha appeal of this movie is its ridiculous idea coupled w. a Poison song title as tha tagline(one that I cover). And the trailer totally won me over - purposely awkward, a touch gorey, and really they are makin a real movie about a toothy vagina? Fer serious?

So ah couldn't find anyone ta see it with when it was in local theatres (cuz tha Bay area gits EVERY FRICKEN MOVIE EVAH!), but ah did recently snag a copy now that its hit DVDs.

"Teeth" delivers pretty much everythang you could n should expect from a current independant but classy horror movie about a penis-chomping vagina. Tha film itself totally knows whar everythang is gaein, but tha particpants are only vaguely clued in. Tha acting is quite good (Jess Weixler won Sundance for her performance), the script is mostly good (plenty of bad moments, n a poorly developed brother-in-law give it the right amount of cheese), and it's a great example of "show, don't tell" (without ever giving us a real view of whatevah tha hell it is w. tha aforementioned teeth - specifically that the dialogue or movie doesn't necessarily explain what you are seeing, nor does it give you voice-overs. Then again, its not too complicated...). And of course, there are scenes of completely amputated prosthetic peni (nawt exactly what ah was lookin fer, but ah had assumed tha gore factor would mostly be in that category). Tha sound-effects are pure troma, but everything else is quite well done.

It builds tha tension nicely, n tries its best ta keep you off-guard while not being outlandish. Tha whole thang has a great digital "Sheen" to it that actually works. In short, the movie tries w.o trying too hard, n succeeds because of that (in my opinion). Thar won't be a bettah movie about dick-eatin-pussies fer quite a while. Probably.

Ah Write Metal Reviews these days....

cross-posted from tha BG

Just barely, n ah don't git paid fer it, but ah dae!

Currently I have two reviews posted on the Metal-Realm.net Reviews page, for the most recent Overkill and Nightwish Albums. While I did these some time ago, I was waiting to hear back from one of tha admins ta make sure they still wanted ta utilize my skillz.

You ken also see them if you just scroll down, thar tha two most recent reviews. Ah hope this is somethang ah ken keep u p fer a while, as it makes me thnk about shite n pushes me towards that "metal-snob" label ahve been gunnin fer.